When people tell me that my boyfriend is unattractive...

"Oh! Yeah! I'd like to see a picture of your boyfriend!" the conversation starts out. I flash them what I believe to be the picture where he looks model-gorgeous. Their faces fall. "Oh... Ew. How are you attracted to that?"

Sometimes they're a little less abrasive. Sometimes it's "I'm sorry, but he's really not very attractive." or "He's not really my type."

I really don't understand what the point of telling me this is. If someone asks to see what my boyfriend looks like or agrees to see a picture, I'm not showing them for their approval, I'm showing them so they can somewhat put a face to the name and understand exactly who it is that I love so much and plays a big role in my life. I don't want him to be "their type." I don't really want my friends to be attracted to him the way that I'm attracted to him. Because honestly, that would be a terrible thing and create all types of unnecessary (but interesting) drama. (But even if it is interesting, that doesn't make it good or mean that you should have it.)

To just up and tell someone that their perfectly fine boyfriend is ugly is just plain rude. It feels like a personal attack on my taste. It's like saying "Ugh. How can you even stand cheesecake? Can't you get a better cake on your own birthday?" or "Good god, you actually think that dress is cute? I think only a retarded hobo on crack would wear that." And you think "But... Cheesecake is my favorite dessert, this is the only time I get to eat it, and it's my party and I can cheesecake if I want to... And... Not only were you just extremely politically incorrect and insensitive towards the mentally disabled, homeless, and recovering addict community, you were also insensitive to my feelings... This dress just happens to flatter my figure..." Only it's more personal than that because it's like they're judging your ability to pick out a potential life partner based on their looks and telling you that you did an inadequate job, that you don't know what's best for yourself, and you have terrible taste even though there really isn't anything wrong with who you're dating all because your friends would be mad if he was on the cover of some model-y, fashion-y magazine instead of someone more "their type." And what my friends sometimes do is make judgmental passes at my boyfriend's looks while their own boyfriends certainly aren't anything to write home about (in my opinion). But I don't say anything because guess what? Their boyfriend just might be as attractive to them as mine is to me. Their boyfriends treat others and my friends with a great amount of respect. Speaking out against them would not be my place to say.

I had (emphasis on "had") a friend once who was engaged (at 19. As a freshman in college. I have several problems with this, but I digress). She was from a small town and she made her fiancé sound as though he was God's gift to earth, physical attractiveness personified, and all that jazz. She said that he was "a beautiful man," that he was "the only one in the town that was nice to her," and that he's probably the hottest guy in the entire world. Well. I met him one day. And guess what? I thought he was one of the ugliest people I had seen. To me, he looked like Gollum and a mountain goat had an love child that chose to get a bunch of tacky band tattoos that if he didn't already regret, he would one day and grow his style-less split-end-riddled hair down past his belly button. And it kinda looked like he got hit in the face with a baseball bat a few times. It was like the ugly stick beat him with an ugly stick holding another ugly stick. I thought that she could do better. I felt bad for her because I thought that she had settled for him because she had never traveled outside her town and met other people. I thought that she probably wasn't even aware that better guys existed. But you know what? He was a super nice guy, I could see that he treated my friend well and they were both perfectly happy together. I didn't say a damn thing about his face because as long as she was happy with him and thought he was the most beautiful man in the world, that's really all that mattered.

A few times, she asked me "Isn't my fiancé a beautiful man?"

I couldn't honestly respond with a yes, so I told her "I'm glad that he makes you happy and treats you well."

She badgered me over and over "Why won't you just admit that he's the most attractive man ever?"

Now, the only real time that I'll speak out against a boyfriend and say "You shouldn't be dating him" is if he is abusive in any way, if I know that he's cheating, or if any other significant development of that sort comes to light. But finally, I told her "Listen. It's great that you're attracted to him. He's your fiancé and I feel really happy that you found someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. I am not attracted to him like that and that's fine because my opinion is not the one that counts. It's yours. Since you are highly attracted to him and he treats you well, then yes, you have found someone that is the 'whole package' and I feel very happy for you." I believe that this is the way that you should handle telling a friend that you don't think their boyfriend is attractive.

She wasn't satisfied with this answer. From time to time, she would lecture me about my boyfriend's looks and how she didn't think that he was anything special. She told me that he's gross, that he's ugly, that he would maybe be okay if his hair was longer but he couldn't fix his face, and all sorts of ridiculous things. She even told me that she bet that he didn't even love me. That's bullshit! She never even met the guy! I kindly asked her to stop because it was upsetting me and, like I told her before, it's my opinion that matters in my relationship. I calmly told her that our tastes in men are different and there's nothing wrong with that. After a while, we had a falling out (not over our boyfriends... Over something even more stupid) and it became apparent to me that she's just a highly insecure person who needed constant validation in every sense and probably tore my boyfriend down to build hers up.

I won't tolerate anyone being rude about their own lack of attraction towards my boyfriend. My boyfriend is a very kind person, he's respectful towards my friends and family, and treats me so well. In the time that we have been dating, he has not done anything to hurt me physically or emotionally. During the times that I got upset and started to cry, he's held me, wiped away my tears, and told me that everything is okay. He's one of the best friends I've had, he's the only one that I can completely love selflessly and unconditionally (trust me, that has been tested and my love for him has always won, even against distance and time), and I am confident that he and I will be together for a very long time.

And yes, I am physically attracted to him. I think that his facial features are perfect and pristine as a marble statue carved by Rodin or Claudel. The first time that I saw him and fully registered his stunning beauty, my heart stopped and my breath was taken away. He actually just about ruined my attraction to other members of the male gender entirely, even before we were dating.

The few times I have slept next to him and woken up to him, I felt so lucky and overjoyed that I found someone so amazing. I longed to always have sleepy mornings where I'd feel the slight, smooth tickle of his silky hair against my face, gaze into those gray-green eyes, and kiss him good morning. Thinking about things like that gives me that extra desire to want to better myself. He inspires me to work harder, to put more feeling into my art, and to be the absolute best version of myself that I can possibly be. He challenges me every day in an intellectual level and makes me feel special.

Sure, he has his faults and his quirks. That's only natural. He's human. And besides, I find them endearing where others have found them irritating. Our relationship isn't perfect. But whose is?

So really... That's all enough for me to be happy. He leaves me wanting for nothing. Knowing that I think the world of him, that he treats me well, and that we're both happy... That should also be enough for my friends.

And if it isn't... Well... Their opinions don't really matter. If they were actually my friends, they wouldn't sit around bashing my boyfriend's looks. They would just be happy that I found someone that makes me feel the way that I feel about him. I don't expect the world to agree with me about his looks. Let's face it, TV Tropes taught us all that Your Mileage May Vary when it comes to anything. My boyfriend, whom I have already established to be one of the most gorgeous people in the world, could be Gollum/goat-sex boy to everyone else. All that I really want is for my attraction to be respected.

For what it's worth, I wasn't alone in thinking that he's attractive. Just about every girl in the high school that we attended together wanted to date him. It was open season once he set foot on campus. Some girls even actively hated me for being so close to him. I suppose a very immature, primal part of me felt good and proud to have such a great catch that so many wanted but so few could have. Knowing that your beloved is highly coveted but you are the only person that they love can be such a satisfying form of validation. So yeah, for a second, that made me feel proud and like a boss. But I quickly realized that none of that really matters. When I think about how in love with him I am, I don't envision all these other people being infatuated with him, so they're not a part of our relationship. If I wanted to care about that many opinions, I'd be in an open relationship. So really, I'd recognize his greatness without anyone's help. I simply just don't need that validation of others to know that I really have a great catch.